Usually between 11-2 am I am up at least once to feed Julianne. My eyes are usually half open as I slink into her room, pick her up and rock in the chair as I feed her. I've tried not feeding her to wean this feeding but that has ended up in me spending the next 2 hours up with her, calming her down and then trying to get her back to sleep. Feeding is easier at this point as I am usually back to sleep in 20 minutes.
These feedings occur every 2-3 hours at night (sometimes longer which is awesome!) and often I cherish them because I say to myself how lucky I am to have her or that it's nice to be depended on as soon enough she will be exercising her independence. But other nights I say this won't last forever or I'm providing her nutrition so she can grow. I know these sound so cliche but sometimes you say whatever you need to in order to get through another interrupted sleep as you haven't had a full night sleep in, well in my case, over 9 months now (I had trouble sleeping in my last trimester from restless legs and whatnot).
I saw a statistic on how a small percentage breastfeed after 3 months and I don't blame people for giving it up. It's tough work and only you can do it unless you pump an amazing amount so your spouse feeds for you. Then there is the debate about breastfeeding vs formula. I know this one lady whom I respect as she has read everything on babies. At 3 months she was doing half breast milk and half formula. At six months she went straight to formula as it has iron which babies need at 6 months. Granted this momma went back to work part time at 6 weeks. Then there are those that feed formula for various reasons (baby is allergic, milk production issues, etc) and then those that feed exclusively breast milk. I felt compelled to do exclusive breast milk and stressed about supply and feeding on demand. I succumbed to formula on a few rare occasions like when we were traveling and had to be somewhere and couldn't stop and I didn't have any expressed milk ready or when I felt absolutely drained and she was still crying for more food. I think Julianne had 7 servings of formula in total by 5 months. I know I beat the odds with sticking it out breastfeeding and she has only had one cold at 6 weeks, which I think is pretty good with how many airports she has been in!
But I have since relaxed a bit and figure it's ok if she has one bottle of formula a day (mainly her last feed before bed). She doesn't sleep any longer than breast milk but she doesn't fight sleep. You see I feed her both breast first then one serving formula then top up with breasts. I know she is full and that makes me feel reassured when she does wake up for her first feeding that she must be hungry. If chads doing bedtime it'll be a full bottle formula as we try and save expressed milk to use for creating her rice cereal (so she is getting added nutrients too) or during the day while travelling if necessary or when I am away and she's with chad or the sitter.
I'm not sure how long I'll end up being on our current routine as my new pump does make it easier to get more milk but I am also weaning off don peridon which was increasing my supply (it makes me jittery). I'll beef up my lactation tea and whip up more lactation protein balls in the meantime but if my supply reduces greatly and her introduction to solids isn't satisfying her enough with the milk I am producing we may have to supplement more.
I know I'll be ok if that happens as I know I beat the odds, I did everything I could to exclusively breast feed as long as possible that worked for us and I don't feel judged by making these choices nor judge anyone for making a different choice as at the end of the day parents have to do what is right for them and it may change day to day. Tonight it might be a few mantras as Julianne barely napped today (usually means a worse sleep than better as naps = better sleep at night) but I'll cherish them as I know one of these nights I'll wake up Fully refreshed !